The Art of Quarrelling | A trait to remember in WFH

Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay

Arguments are inevitable. Every thinking and speaking soul will have an individual perspective, which would differ in most cases from others, over the same thing. So, too many contradictions lead to arguments.

If a group was discussing something, then it already had to argue. If there were none, then it could be on two reasons:

1. It has no one to think better.

2. The community was under suppression

This scenario would be much brighter if the group has had only two members. And the most quarrelling two-members group everywhere in the world is a couple.

A couple argues over everything- from making the bed in the morning to do the dishes in the night. It would be a wonder if a couple (in good mental condition) had never fought.

Men & Women serve different purposes in nature. So, everything (from one gender) appears to be awkward to another. Every fight for wits & wills starts by this variation. It has become normal by its unavoidable nature.

But this concept is being conceived with a lot of misinformation, leading to curtailing in one’s mental health. This affects the relationship in the long run.

Mistakes of newly engaged & insecure people in relationships

Heard composures, dreadful thoughts of insecure people, and impulsive wavelengths make people (especially, who’re new) in the relationship behave over-protectively;

It leads to over-caring, too much acceptance, and permuting oneself based on the other in the relationships, in the starting point. To those who love- it remains a problem; While people who were loved care very little (as their emotions have a guaranteed return from the loving one).

The loving one sacrifice more than he/she could bear. So, people end up hurting themselves by pacifying themselves (through mental suffocation). Though they might have positive thoughts to

1. carry out the relationship longer

2. maintain a smooth image

3. avoid distractions through quarrels

This attitude wouldn’t stay there and would bring in negative emotions sooner or later through elongated suffocation.

What happens if someone reacts? And what if not?

The urge will be there in everyone to defend their actions and to prove its value through arguments and quarrels if objected.

They might win, or lose; the cortisol released (by the stress to argue) would be spent for the energy to recollect, and to pile up thoughts & layers of advantages on their act. It will help them relax irrespective of the change the argument had brought.

If they didn’t react

The unused stress hormones in the body will suppress other active hormones.

Continuous exposure to such activities could result in one to degrade themselves, lowering self-esteem, deprived confidence, and in the worst case- breaking the mental bond with their near and dear one’s- as an effect of extended suppression.

Sufferers exhibit the traits through 3 communication styles

1. Laid-back style

2. Threatening style

3. Derisive-assailing style

Laid-back communication style

It is the behaviour when people fuzzy their feelings at the point of need, and expressing later as regret, or disregarding it completely.

This applies to not expressing their smallest of wishes- from going out to their preferred place for dinner to decide their future if a need arises.

Prolonged practise of this method leads to self-doubt, lowering confidence, and a lot of self-destructive things in one’s life.

Threatening communication style/behaviour

People who prioritize aggression/anger over everything would come under this classification.

Those who’re highly insecure about their capability often hold on to this behaviour and get their things done until everything stops moving the way it was.

This behaviour is an effect of realising that they were in laid-back style all along. So, to avoid rejection and to show everyone they are strong- they tend to carry this weaker way.

Derisive-Assailing style

This is another evolution of laid-back style where people tend to be passively-aggressive in their reactions over stimulation.

The insecure thoughts and the fear of losing their value combined put them to act carelessly, denoting their actions and comments on them.

People exhibiting this behaviour often seemed to have low/no interest in collaborating even with their partners. If they did, then their actions could be classified under meekness and sarcasm.

As we have seen, we can’t control our emotions and anger for an elongated time. Then we might end up hurting ourselves more than what we might have got in losing the quarrels.

That doesn’t mean we shall argue/quarrel like anything to save our nose. We have to consider the opponent and his/her potential mentality of getting hurt. It is very much important to know all these; as the world is still under quarantine, and the Work-From-Home wave is striking hard.

How to make an argument assertive?

Quarrelling/Arguing is a necessary negative emotion to stay positive, but it should be executed from nonreturnable outputs from the opponents.

While doing it, you shouldn’t disrupt the ego, and question the gender’s superior purpose. The gender superiority is as necessary as an ego, and it is not same in men and women.

A male’s purpose in nature is to protect the female and the off-springs from external and internal threats. Any words/actions disrespecting a male’s core nature (the actions on protecting his family) would end up hurting him more and would touch his ego.

A female’s purpose in nature is to select the right male (to produce healthy off-springs) and nurture a love for her community. Actions/words disrespecting a female’s core nature (of bringing up a better society) would disrupt her peace of mind.

These have to be considered effectively, because these are the points where most people would win an argument but lose the relationship and respect.

Keep these in your mind, and argue gently to feel- relieved, confident about your actions, and carrying your relationship and image better.

Final thoughts

You might have come across emoting powerful articles like “Learn to say NO”. Those are not just associated with expressing confirmation, but it helps in boosting your decision-making, and confidence.

Expressing your emotions (healthily) is a necessity. So, whenever you feel the need, try to speak up. If you didn’t, then you might end up hurting yourself, and behave passively.

These are neither immediate nor uncommon but are adverse effects that will surely happen if someone keeps being resilient to the bullies.

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Kishore Vishwa

Kishore Vishwa

Focusing on social-issues and the psychology behind.