A Husband and a Boyfriend are different materials.

The story form of Outrageous Mate selection is discussed with facts, and written engagingly for the readers to complete. Feel free to drop your comments on it.

Image by Tú Anh from Pixabay

Whatsapp beeped. It is Mom. Before cutting the voice call a few mins earlier she said she would be sending me a photo of the groom that just came. Below that, my boyfriend’s text referring to the plan for the evening.

My family started looking for an alliance 2 months before. 3 things started worrying me ever since

  1. To cut my boyfriend off my life
  2. My character might get bullied for doing that. Because my current relationship has not even faced an anniversary, and he’s my 2nd boyfriend within 2 years.
  3. My insecurities about selecting a wrong groom as i did with my boyfriends’ cases, and the sorrow I rept.

I was a different person in my school. All my life (till 12th grade), I was in girls (boarding) school. To me, a boy topic was irrelevant to the core back then. But that’s not the current situation. I’m feeling lost if none gives attention. Though the situation has happened in countable single digits, it has worried me like anything.

Everything had changed after I got into college. In my first year, I continued to feel irritating if a guy approached me. But that changed over time- by people around me who’re comfortable in the way I’m not and to stop being an odd woman out in the crowd.

While getting adapted to the new trend, I became fond of my beauty (which I was not back in school), and tend to be addictive [over time]. I somewhat liked to be the center of attraction at times and I enjoyed it too. Eventually, many boys turned attentive to me, and I started chatting with many to keep myself engaged and pampered all the time.

The fame didn’t let me the way I’m for long. I started bringing in unwanted attention as well and that raised fear in me. So, to feel secured, I looked for a guy to be my boyfriend and end up with a fascinating one among my crazy followers while I was in 3rd year.

Muyirthuvan (My boyfriend) instructed me to cut all the boys from chatting with me regularly. In the beginning, it seemed to relieve and I had time to look into my studies. Later, I started to miss what I was getting (abundant) earlier- the pampers and funs. He’s not who he was while he’s after me before being my boyfriend.

The relentlessness and over protecting attitude of him breaks the relationship a year after we completed our college.

Things were not smooth with me posterior. The IT culture’s outing often attitude made me admire the romance of the couples, resulting in inducing the thirst for love in me in parallel with the remembrance of muyirthuvan.

I was sure about not considering him again, that’s the reason I ended up with Viliyon. Viliyon is a friend of my team mate’s boyfriend. He is good looking, charm, and a guy with a carefree attitude.

From going out as a team, we reduced the count to just us in a short time. Soon, we started staying together and enjoyed the pleasures of the night. The awkward thing is- we didn’t share any love words even once in our six months of the relationship.

Whenever we talk, his conversation would go like I’m just a sexual partner and nothing more between us. This is the reason why I’m in a dilemma to consider him as a boyfriend or just an unmarried paramour.

To settle things, I texted him “Dude, the confederation for alliance started in my home”

Viliyon replied- “For you too? Congratulations buddy!”. This dropped a bomb in me. Hiding my feelings, I continued the chat.

I: when it gets started with you?

Viliyon: A week earlier.

I: what you said?

Viliyon: I asked them to look for a family girl

I: why?

Viliyon: I don’t want my wife to do pubbing and sleeping with other men

I: well, what about you ra?

Viliyon: not anymore dude. These are for fun and stress relief. Can’t continue for long. Good that they are looking for you too. I planned to tell you these in the evening.

He continued to embarrass me with words in my mind. I stopped replying after that. I didn’t go that night. I didn’t even sleep that night. If he had said anything like “let’s get married” I was ready to accept him. But in his thoughts, I’m not an option to consider. Thinking about these, instead of becoming angry with him, I got angry with myself.

The series of questions “What made to my end with such person?”, “How it all started?”, “what if I choose such a person as my life partner?”, “what will happen if he knew about the past?”, and more, which eventually dropped an immense fear in me.

I left town to my native that night for a meeting (the day after tomorrow) with the confederate family. I came home with confusion and questions like- will this workout? What are all to expect from a groom? How am I going to identify that?

Mom caught my restlessness and inquired about my discomforts after dinner in the upstairs.

Mom: what’s going on with you?

I: nothing ma. Just breezing out.

Instead of shooting the next question, she stared me in silence, which pulled the words out of me.

I: I’m not willing to come tomorrow

Ma: why?

I: I don’t know. Maybe I’m not ready

Ma: what makes you think that way?

I: ma… that’s… just leave it.

Ma: You in Love?

I: No ma. I think I never.

Ma: (after a short pause) Are you afraid?

I: I think so.

Ma: ok. You don’t want to come tomorrow.

I: What?

Ma: I said just “you”. We will go.

I: I’m alone staying at home?

Ma: you too will be meeting a person, but not with us

I: The Groom?

Ma: he’s of your dad’s age

I: a grandad groom?

Ma: would you?

I: If he can stand straight, why not?

Both laughed, and mom left in a short to convince dad and to inform the guy about my visit. I was raving about this earlier with mom where she convinced me about deciding it for later. That could be the reason too.

In a double mind, I passed that night. In the morning, Dad, Mom, and Uncle (mom’s brother) started by 7 AM. Mom asked me to leave by 8 to meet him. He located next to my uncle’s house, so, there’s no problem with finding his address.

I went to his house and ringed him. His wife received me with formal greetings and asked me to wait in the lobby for him to return from his shower. While entering, I saw the name board Prof. Chezhian.

First, I thought, a grandad will come and talk ponderous. But my eyes got froze for a second. He seemed young and could be no more than 35+ in my views. My thoughts about his wife on high age difference dusted away because both seemed young and good.

The first impression was so good that I wanted to talk with him just for the sake of talking with him. He sat opposite on the single-seat sofa while I’m in the 3-seater. His wife left us to the bedroom to watch TV.

With a formal intro, he started to get into my thoughts and words.

Che: how’s life going?

I: before everything, just tell me how do you know my mother? To be precise, how does she know you?

Che: your Aunt’s disputes with your uncle called her on quarrels. Whereas the sound of the quarrel invited me. That’s how we knew each other.

I: Oh! Quarrel mate?

Che: (with a brief smile) kind of.

The conversations went like that and he slowly initiated the topic about my marriage

Che: so, what’s your idea on marriage?

I started explaining about the rituals, and the way marriage functions are get going as a two-days program.

He interrupted me and asked about my thoughts on my marriage life

With a puzzled look, I started like- both working, earning money, going out for vacations

He once again interrupted me by saying “no dear, I meant about your goals and ambitions about life after marriage”

I was blank for a second and looked perplexed.

Che: you don’t have a clue, right?

I: not really, I think.

Che: ok. I come to that part later. Tell me about your love stories

I: sorry?

Che: your love stories ma. In the past.

I: I don’t know how he was so sure in his accent. His tone, and approach made me start about the topic without a second thought, surprisingly.

After explaining my school life, I slowly got into the love portion. I don’t know how, but his nods and the curiosity in his eyes even made me talk about Viliyon and my relationship with him. Just after telling him everything, I felt like “what the hell I just did now?”

I think my look made him obvious about my thoughts. So, he calmly said, “don’t worry dear, I don’t disclose this to anyone”. Though it’s just words, something in me pushed me to trust it blindly.

Che: a typical family girl, who had been taught about boys, but not about men and marriage it seems.

I: that’s not true. What makes you think that way?

Che: did your family or anyone from your circle ever taught about “how to look for a groom?”

I: well, not really!

Che: that’s what I said.

I: how can someone teach this to their kids? There sure will be embarrassments, right?

Che: of course, there will be. But is it ok to choose the wrong partner and feel miserable later?

I: that’s right. That’s my fear too.

Che: don’t worry. Let’s clear your doubts. Before that, answer some questions.

I: if it isn’t too personal, I’m ready

Che: he gave a nod and asked: “what do you think marriage is for?”

I: to get the necessities fulfilled?

Che: see, again and again, you are proving something. Can you guess what?

I just gave a pose telling I don’t know

Che: your generation is more focused on yourself rather than your surroundings and your purpose.

I shrugged my shoulders

Che: Ok. I’ll give reference to other living organisms. Then you may have an idea about marriage.

I: if you may

Che: Cool. In any living organism, which gender seems attractive?

I: Attractiveness and females are synonymic terms, right?

Che: Consider the statement once again with lions, peacock, deer, or anything. Which gender posses Mane, Plumage, horns, etc.

I: males.

Che: what to do you those are for?

I: To attract females?

Che: Absolutely. The strength and ability are tested through a fight with other males. But these external possessions are to mainly attract females.

I: Why is that necessary?

Che: because every male does the same work. But to select one among them, the segregation is done through these steps. Now, tell me where it all leads to?

I: (with a confused correlation and guess) safeguarding females and their kids?

Che: correct! Now tell me what marriages are for?

I: oriented with the next generation?

Che: on point. If that’s the purpose, what one should consider? And which one should consider?

I: Well, females should consider it. Can you be specific about that “what?”

Che: what type of material one should consider for a mate selection?

I: Husband material?

Che: Yes! For you to get this point, it took these many explanations and examples. Not just you. Almost everyone in your age group is not aware of these. That’s the reason for many break-ups, and divorce happens. A girl should not look into a boyfriend material rather than a husband material.

Also, as you told earlier, the attraction has become synonymic to females. That may be true in humans but not in nature. Those who follow attractiveness loses power while being a decision-maker. So, wake-up. Beauty is not your weapon. It is your weakness. Be the deciding factor.

I didn’t say any words later for some time. I couldn’t. I just keep smiling. Because there is no more confusion in deciding a partner to me. Now, I know what to expect from a male for my life. “I think I found the answer to my questions”, I said out loud to Chezhian.

Che: then, I think my role ends here.

I: BTW, what’s your major in teaching?

Che: Psychology

I: oh! Now I got one more answer too.

Che: for?

I: how I find you cool to talk with. You are a trickster (said with a smile)

Che: it’s my job (he gave back the smile too)

I continued my talk with him for a short time later. In the end, I had many questions, but the answers to that are within me. For that, I had only one thing to say to him- “Thank you”

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Kishore Vishwa

Kishore Vishwa

Focusing on social-issues and the psychology behind.